I don’t know how to title this post but anyhow, gonna go with it while my memories still fresh.
Just got off the bus to UH and chillin at the rec for a bit right now. I must say, this past year or so has been an extremely humbling experience. Having what most people didn’t have to having nothing has opened my mind a lot. Because there are a lot of people out there striving for so much more and working with so much less. It is a blessing just to have food on the table and be able to enjoy life as it goes and strive for something better without worrying about materialistic things. I saw today when I was on the bus about to get off to UH, a mother and son stepped onto the bus. They were in a really happy/joyful mood together it seemed. The son was about maybe 11? 12? Not sure. Anyhow, both of them had their eyes closed and the son was leaning his head on his mothers shoulder and mother head on sons head. Both had their eyes closed with a smile on their face and it just made me think of how blissfully happy they were in life.
Made me happy/angry at the same time because although I was brought up in that type of environment where I had majority of what I needed provided for me, I guess you could say that a father figure, a role model, Someone I could look up to in my life I was lacking the most. I’ve been a prisoner of my own convictions for a long time and I probably still will be for a very long time. My father I guess you could say tried to encourage me/ give me advice and support me in things that I wanted to do at times but he wasn’t good at all in the encouraging part. He was a very convicting and judgmental person which probably instills that part of a persona in me also. Every time someone asked me what my father did for a living, I wouldn’t know what to say to them. I was so embarrassed/ashamed that I couldn’t give an answer that I would be very angry at myself and the world and want to strive to prove to the world what I am made of. I always had something to prove. I feel like I still do. I don’t know why.
But seeing this mother and son made me feel happy for them because it seems as though they are both striving for a better life and giving it their all even though I know nothing about them at all. I don’t know. When we rolled up a the University which was my stop just now, the sons eyes lit up with excitement and started looking around his environment with curiosity. I wanted to talk to him and know more about him and give him encouragement or whatnot. The Sky is the limit. This is my favorite line because there is opportunity as long as you create it, and work for it. This caused a bit of nostalgic bliss for me because seeing that sense of natural excitement, happiness, and curiosity in what the world has to offer has made me question what is my role in life? What does God have planned for me?
One of the things my Pastor Sam who is also a good friend of mine and a role model that I look up to ultimately, talked to me one time and I remember this distinctly because I feel like its so true. That God is speaking to me in many ways and that I try to respond but am having difficulty doing so.
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