Don't you all have something like that where you love something so much, that it can make you hate it at the same time? 

I love tennis. It's a crazy passion in my life. But I hate the aspect that I always lose so much compared to winning. It's gay. Maybe it's my fault for not practicing enough. But today, I decided to play for a bit to try and practice a bit and I ended up playing a match with one of the current students at taylor. This was the first time I had played in 3 - 4 weeks despite the fact that my wrist was injured and was just starting to get better. I hate the fact that I lost. In fact, I pretty much lost badly in my eyes. It's horrible when you have a majority of the points where your leading 40-0 in a lot of games, but yet I can't push through and finish that last point to claim the victory. This happened to me for 4 consecutive games. I was pissed off and mad. Maybe 3 consecutive games and one of them was 30-40 on my part.

I was mad and I started getting into my groove and then I came back 3 games straight and pretty much killed his rhythm and made him start doubting himself. But it wasn't enough. I couldn't finish it through and ended up losing the match 3-6. I was so mad at myself on the inside. I can't let out the anger because they don't know me and whatnot but on the inside, I'm burning. I HATE losing. It's a sign of failure to me. But I have no one to blame but myself for all of these things because only you are the one that makes who you are. I feel as if I'm a failure at life in general. Gay.

Man. What a crazy/stressful week.

To start it off, my car had gotten stolen on Monday morning 1:00AM 

So gay because unfortunately for me, these thieves had a tow truck to use and they had towed my car away, snipped my car alarm siren and stripped my cars interior

Because I had a 2 way pager alarm, when they snipped the siren, my pager alerted me as they towed the car away and I ran out within a minute but my car had already vanished!!  Freakin thieves. I hate them. I know I shouldn't be seeking revenge but the thought of what I may do to them if I catch them on the spot is scary. 

I was so sad when it happened. And angry at the same time because I had told my father to give me a space in the garage to park it while it was not running at the time being. I BEGGED him and pleaded with him to give me the space. But he refused and like the lazy person he is, just went on with his everyday routine of doing NOTHING. 

So 3 weeks down the road or so, my car gets stolen. Gay. I was so angry with him and we argued so much and yet, he still denies it was his fault and doesn't have any sympathy towards the situation at all. Although he was the one that asked the police station if it was recovered and yes it was in which they didn't contact me to let me know, It still is his fault in my eyes because he could have helped me to prevent this situation but he didn't. We got into a fight later on I guess because I started it because he runs his mouth so much all the time that it just pisses me off. But the one that stimulated the fight was when I got tired of what he was saying and all the adrenaline just built up inside me just snapped and I took a notepad and just chunked it at him. I meant to throw it at his chest but it hit his face instead.

And then the brawl began. I really shouldn't have done that but *sigh* i coudln't help it. My father always brings out the worst in me. Like. Literally. I have never acted like that with anyone. 

But now, the car is recovered and here are some pictures of what's left. Freakin thieves stripped the interior and damaged my ignition. 

Everything. Gone.

After a year though, I finally was able to open my trunk =p

My poor car and the windshield wipers don't even properly work right now >.<

I really need to find a group of friends to study with. Whenever I'm at home, it is EXTREMELY difficult to concentrate. Too many distractions around = and on top of that. I can't leave the house whenever I need to to go somewhere and study like a library or something because I DON'T EVEN HAVE A CAR right now. Sucks ass. 

I don't know how I'm going to do this this semester. I really need to focus but it's extremely difficult. I need strength to get through this.

On another note, I went to Ex-Imports Triumph Motorcycle exhibition today and it seemed pretty awesome. Dang, I wish I had my own bike. Sucks

Oh well. It'll come in due time. 

I was supposed to be studying/ sleeping. and i stayed up until 4 tonight playing starcraft... this game is ruining my life.

I just woke up just now. It's Tuesday August 24, 2010.
I had a dream last night. It was of something very remorseful. I thought I had gotten over this but I really haven't it seems. I keep thinking about it. Why?!? 

But usually, I've been dreaming about motorcycles and high speed chases and all sorts of weird stuff but I guess this was buried in there at the back of my mind.

It never fail to amaze me how much Eminem can BEAST on the mic.

Check his new album out everyone.

So I saw this on my friend Sandy's Tumblr. (That's the new blogging thing nowadays?)

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, reblog

I have a pretty messed up relationship with my father. But regardless of how much I hate him/despise him at times, It's difficult to try and be nice. Reading this should refresh my memory of how I should behave as a son of respect him before he actually is gone.

Personality

Occupying the 5th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Dragon is the mightiest of the signs. Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion. Unfortunately, this passion and enthusiasm can leave Dragons feeling exhausted and interestingly, unfulfilled.

While Dragons frequently help others, rarely will they ask for help. Others are attracted to Dragons, especially their colorful personalities, but deep down, Dragons prefer to be alone. Perhaps that is because they’re most successful when working alone. Their preference to be alone can come across as arrogance or conceitedness, but these qualities aren’t applicable. Dragons have tempers that can flare fast!

Career

Dragons prefer leading to being led. Jobs that allow them to express their creativity are good choices. Some good careers include: inventor, manager, computer analyst, lawyer, engineer, architect, broker, and sales person.

Relationships

Dragons will give into love, but won’t give up their independence. Because they have quick, sometimes vengeful tempers, their partners need to be tough-skinned. Dragons enjoy others who are intriguing, and when they find the right partners, they’ll usually commit to that person for life.

Compatibility

Dragons are compatible with the Monkey or Rat and incompatible with the Ox and Goat.

I am going to describe my life in 3 words right now.

Broke. Jealous. and the last one. I don't really feel like writing out to the public.

To sum it up. F*** my life.

HOOoooo. Man. What a good night today. I got to ride my friends bike, and then attempted to drift my car

FYI its a fwd car. It's pretty difficult. Freakin alex did good though. He got it on the 2nd try. And then after his run, I went again and I kind of got it, but I think I have too much adrenaline rushing through and don't think through what I'm doing so I don't really get it. But damn.....I wish I could've gotten it kind of good like how alex did.

Man. These past 2 days I've been dogging out my car. zooming to 120mph, drifting it, man. Crazy.

It feels good though. Makes me feel like the car is still alive and kicking haha. I Hope I can keep it in tip top shape