Ugh. I'm in a dilemma. So today, my friends Mike and Phong from my old lion dancing team came by my house today to visit me. They wanted me to go back and join back the temple kind of ish? I don't know. It made me start thinking and missing everything even more reminiscing things from the past. *sigh*. I don't know what to do. My life is so confusing. I need to lock down on school first is what's important.

This is so gay. I've been working out so long and I feel as if I'm not getting anywhere with my abs. I'm trying to trim that layer of fat on my stomach but it seems so difficult. And people notice that I seem like I've gotten skinnier. I don't know if thats in a good way or not. But i'm very physically fit is all I have to say. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

I was supposed to write about this last week but I kept on putting it off.
Last week was the first day of school and it was unexpectedly good, but bad? This was because as soon as I parked. Someone hit my car. AGAIN. I swear. This car is an attraction for accidents. But it was very very light. My car's rear end is so damaged that you can't even notice another scratch lol. his car is more damaged than mine lets just say that haha.

So anyways, school this semester, really gotta lock down. Hopefully, I can keep up with everything.
Good luck to my homie Alvin on his DAT's. He's been lockin down on it crazy and good luck to him on it. I'm sure he's gonna be successful because he's very goal oriented. One of the people I look up to because I feel I should be able to make the same efforts that they do in succeeding in life. He told me a very interesting quote last week. I'm not sure if I remember it exactly but the gist of it is like, "losers only keep on looking at the past thinking of what they should have done and if they had done this or that, and winners only envision the future of success"

Sometimes, things in life are so hard. Should you just move on? Or should you just keep at it? It's difficult on what to decide because even if you keep trying, that 1% chance of success may never come and its EXTREMELY slim. But is it worth it to put your 101% effort to try and offset the odds? I don't know. Thats one of the things that I always question myself. I'm so confused on what to do. But I guess time will play its part.

Ugh. sometimes, money is just so hard to come by. Really need to work at it also. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT A BIKE!!!!!! damnit..... riding jackie and brians back these past couple days have only increased my want for it. I've spoiled myself.

I've finally got my inspection sticker done and repaired the leaks in my exhaust system. I was hoping for a small noticeable gain but eh. i guess not haha.
Anyways, I have so much more to write but eh. I'll write more later then.

Ever since I came back from ohio, one of my family's friends helped me to get a job at Texas Southern University as a researcher in the transportation department. It's an ok job. What I do is I process traffic data and input it into the computer for the people to analyze the timing of the traffic and to determine how to time the lights correctly etc...

I've been working 5 days a week 7 hours a day. It's decent pay for 4 weeks but I wish it was more. Oh well. What more can I ask for right? It's an easy job. Today is my last day of work and I only have to work until 12 today. There is no data to process... so that means I'm basically getting paid to sit here and do nothing on my last day!  lucky me right? haha.

School is going to be starting next week. Looking forward to it because I really need to step my game up.  Been hanging out with my friend alvin lately. It's good chillin with him because its been awhile so we just catch up on everything.

Anyways, been going through a lot of things emotionally also. But its been a good but rough ride. Extremely rough. It's like riding on suspension thats on full stiff lol. I've learned to love and even though I didn't get the same feelings back in return, I've gained something out of this that can't be explained or put into words. Well. It can be put into words I guess. but i'm feeling lazy at the moment to type it all out haha. I made a promise and I rarely make promises. No matter what happens, I intend to keep it.

So yeah. As the saying goes, "Life goes on". You can either learn to put up with it, or just keep drudging on in the past. Eh. Sucks.

Anyways, I've dumpted a ton of money into my car. Seriously, I think this thing is suckign all my time, money, and effort up literally. Ugh. Why am I so into this car? I don't want to see it go down the drain like all the other cars at my household I guess which is why I'm putting so much effort into the restoration of it to pristine condition and maybe even better. For now, the operation of the car is in pristine conditon. Whats next is cosmetic wise. Ugh. I spent so much money on this car...

End of entry for today I guess.

So I've been back in houston for about 1 week. It felt good to be home but I still feel empty. All my other problems such as family, school, and financial, I can deal with. But the feeling of love/heartache, that's the most difficult to deal with out of all.

 Tommorow morning, I'll finally be heading back into houston. I'm going to miss here a bit especially because of all the people and the experiences that I had from being here.

I'm somewhat anxious to go home, but then again, I'm feeling kind of perplexed about it because I'm not sure what to expect and how things are going to be when I get back.

Anyways Houston, here I come!

Have you every felt as if the weight of the world was on your shoulders? Today I had that kind of feeling. I felt like I was being crushed because of the situation I am in and I'm dreading every moment of it. I gotta tell you. This feeling inside sucks ass and feels just. I don't know how to describe it. Sorrowful? I don't know. But being the guy that I am, I tried to suck it in and not let it break me. I'm going to stand strong no matter what and do things the RIGHT way. After having that conversation with my sister today after I got out of work ,I felt a bit better because of the reassurance she gave me. It's helping me to stay strong. I guess in this world, no matter what its always better for someone to be there for you to have your back and just support you in any way possible and thats what family, friends, and that significant other is there for.

Lets get it onnnnnnn.

 The other day, I finally tried the infamous. Harold and Kumar White Castle burgers. All I have to say is.

OMG. When I ate one burger. It felt like heaven in my mouth. It was soooo good. I love it. I want more. DAMNIT. WHY CAN'T THEY HAVE A WHITE CASTLE IN HOUSTON!?!?

Grr. I want more haha. I'm craving it now

Anyways, lately I've been having dreams. Some good. some bad. The good ones are stupid ones like me in car chases or eating food that I like haha. But the bad ones. I always wake up in the middle of the night hoping that the dream won't become reality.

I've lately found out a lot of thigns about my uncle lately. A lot of bad stuff. But he's a good person at heart but like my dad, he's such a kid. Always wants to play around and not really work. Thats not good. Thats one thing that I don't like about my dads side of the family. They all sometimes think that they're too good to do some things and think they're above everyone else in some situations. Sucks ass. I miss houston. I just want to come back and start school already. Angies gonna buy me cake when I get back haha. Whoop dee doooo xD. I love cake  I'm such a fatass lol.

I miss Victoria. She drives me crazy with her personality flying all over the place lol. But yet. I'm still here. *sigh* . I'll stand my ground no matter what happens. I don't want to lose her.

Sometimes, I do wish that a natural occurence would occur and just put me out of my misery but then again, I don't want that to happen because it would be a big inconvenience for everyone and very selfish for me to be taken out like that because it could possibly leave a lot of things in shambles. At times like these, I just feel like cruising or playing on the piano.

I always have a lot more to write but whenever I do get to writing in here, I've forgotten most of what I want to write. Gay and sucks.

Goodnight people . Hopefully, I'll have that 6 pack I wanted by the time I get back to houston.

My mind is going crazy. I don't know what to do. I need a sign

This is academic related by the way.

Ok. For the past month and 2 weeks, i've been working out everyday on my abs like crazy and trying to figure out different methods to try and get the results that i'm looking for to get them ripped and toned to look good.

Methods such as

-dieting
-exercising
-eating more protein
-different exercise methods.

I think I've figure out why. I think its because I always eat a lot of walnuts. I did some research on information on calories today. Calories are a unit of measure. A measure of energy. I found out that half a cup of peanuts has up to 456 calories! And I work in the restaurant 6 days a week 10 hours a day. Each day, I eat some walnuts. I don't know how much I eat but I'm pretty sure I eat a lot of them. And I just did some research on the amount of calories in walnuts. A serving of walnuts (1 cup) has up to 785 calories!!!! WTFFFF!! THATS A TON OF CALORIES! and a daily amount of calories needed for a normal person ranges from 1,600 - 2,000 calories and those that are athletes and more active need about 2,500 to 3,500 calories daily. I'm in the more active category but still! Thats a heck of a lot of calories for 1 cup of walnuts! Note to self. Eat less walnuts now. Better yet. Try and stay away from them and peanut butter.

I hope things go well for my friends that are having trouble. I don't want anything bad to happen to them =

Anyways, that day that I go back to houston is coming closer and closer. Looking forward to this semester and getting things done before this summer ends. Also looking forward to seeing victoria. Hopefully, things will only get better between me and her. I hope for the best whatever happens.

tommorow is my off day. gonna just chill again I guess.

The other day, I had a dilemma. I was tryingt ochoose between leaving work early to go to a friends BBQ/birthday party or stay at work. I had to OK to leave work early but for some reason, i just didn't feel right going. I actually left work and then I was at a stop light to turn left onto the highway towards the party, or right back to the street to go back to work. I asked god for a sign to show me the right thing to do. And as I look around . I see a flock of birds flying towards the left to the highway directly. I thought in my head WTF?!?!? WHAT THE HECK IS THAT KIND OF SIGN??!? and I realized that when I thought that, that was my sign. I knew that I shouldn't be ditching work to have fun so I went back to work. Also because I didn't want to lie to victoria because i had already told her I wasn't gonna go. I also felt that if I did go, something was gonna bite me in the ass about it later on. My uncle also specifically told me not to go before they left town. I feel good about that decision. I feel as if I did the right thing

Anyways. Can't WAIT to get back to houston!

It's July 2 and its my 21st birthday. It's somewhat alright. All my friends from houston wished me happy birthday so yaYerz!

Argh. I'm so stupid though. Why do I put myself through something that will just hurt me? And yet, not go away. It's like me running into a wall and just repeatedly staying at a locked door on purpose just hoping that the door will open up for me instead of just finding another door that's not so hard to open. I feel so stupid because it's painful at times. But yet. Where am I standing.

Man, I was happy for the first 1/4 of the day and I was in an extremely good mood when I woke up this morning. But then later on. I started getting mad and angry and just . ARGHAsdklfslkdfjalskdf. My head started hurting because although I'm happy that victoria called me, that just made my day. But then, argh. she just gets me so angry sometimes and mad. But I just can't stay mad at her. ARGH. I'm so dumb. I need to be strong to be able to withstand all the emotional things that are thrown at me no matter what happens. Grrr.I just have to be strong. If I break down again, its just going to be making things harder on me and everyone else. I hope I can stay strong. I really need the help. *sigh* what am I doing to myself. I get nothing in return . Whatever. I'll take whatever is thrown at me because I love her.

Argh. I hate working here. The environment is getting more better I guess you could say because I'm getting used to it but still. I want to go back to houston. I just want to get out of here ASAP and just get back to houston and get on with my life.